His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
