I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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