I'm really into asian looking animals
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
