He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
