Apparently you make a good broom.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
