guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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