Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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