I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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