My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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