That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are the jesus of drinking
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
