I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
tell me about the fingering
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
