This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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