I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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