i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
