The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
