I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
