Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
