Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
