i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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