College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
