That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
