Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
