What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
