Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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