If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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