I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
