I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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