Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
