You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We have started to decorate penises.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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