why didn't you poke me back
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
