I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
