Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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