i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
