Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
