I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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