Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
