Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
