Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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