She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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