i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
