He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
