You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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