Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize