We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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