whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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