Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
