They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm always down for nudity.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
