I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
