She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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