He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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