Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
FUCK WHALES
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
