I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
