can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
