Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
