i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
