My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
