Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
