The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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