She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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