i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
