you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
