Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
