I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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