Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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