AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
