Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
