I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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