Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
