8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
