thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize