I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
