How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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