This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
