Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
