White coat. Heels.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
