grandma shit on top of the toilet
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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